The Show Mungkee

My first event for the year "LEAP" an event they do at La Salle every year. It's some sort of alternative enhancement program for the beautiful students of the said school. Everything went fine, except for the grins they had when they found out what my capoeira nickname meant. Batatinha, hahaha its an honor being called the junior of our professor. Then they saw who Batata was, and everybody said what the hell. Hahahaha that guy caught the crowds attention after he did all his tricks in mid air.
I'm back and it does'nt feel the same. I'm not getting the same high that I got before, when I was doing capoeira then. Everybody seems so new and I'm the new old guy, man that's hard to gulp down.
The love for the art has gone so mental, that I do mental training mostly rather than physically practicing it.
It does'nt feel the same and I guess it would never be the same, never again. Time to move on, and practice the art in my mind. I think I need to rest my endeavors for the meanwhile.

On My Own

Aight the long wait is over, I'm moving out of our house. My mom seems to think about it too much, my dad's cool with it and I'm not that excited. I'm used to sleeping in other houses but not living in another house. This will take a lot of getting used too. How the hell will I go through this?
Hmmm I'm starting to feel icky and everything, talks about going to greener pastures and everything has been moving around. Damn, I have to keep reminding myself that I still don't have my diploma with me. How I wish that I can just pay someone to do that for me, walking and processing all those papers. Talking to those nutcrackers in the registrars office can get awefully irritating, I'd hate to lose my cool.
Studying again, it keeps on hitting the back of my mind although I don't know what to take. Lets just see what tomorrow brings.

The Dance of War, Inside the Circle of Life

It has been a year and a half now, I already forgot how it feels to move freely within the circle.
Just a brief flashback, someone sent me a message telling me to go back and train again for some good purpose.well, I missed the art that we tried nurturing for several years, it's worth training again and the purpose is good enough to send me back to the ground. Here I go again.

The first session for the year was quiet okay and painful too. I missed that ache that ran from my neck down when I was training before. Those were the days when I was able to train from an hour or so rigorously. Applying Bengay as your perfume is not that bad after all hahahahahaha...
There were a few cuties at the hottest gym in town, hmm I wonder why. Enough with that crap, I went there to train and I was not hunting swans to start it with. After a gruelling first hour I felt the need to tie myself up. I kept going and going until i felt my leg hardened, damn cramps. Oh shit I fucking hurts arghh...and this means I have to stop and rest. All in a days work and I'm ready to head for my real work, my crappy leg still hurts.

I stood breathe and moved my arms. The flow led my feet to go from side to side. As the music plays my body follows, the rhythm sends a kick and each beat dictates my movement. Hold each thought and movements taught. I must now enter the circle, ai meu Deus give me the your blessing. I reach out my hand and smiled at my friend as we entered the circle we exchanged looks. Who releases the first blow? Who accepts the first hit? Only one thing is for sure inside the roda I'am free...

New Year, Old Me...

Everybody seems optimistic about this year, well all that I'm seeing are problems welcoming the year. Getting some review on economics does make you more pessimistic than you usually would be. Don't read the newspapers, avoid watching the TV and drop those lifestyle magazines. Looking at these things would make you think that it's all ok, but wait try looking at your pocket.
Well here we go again, another list of self proclaimed promises. Have you made your list of resolutions? The way I see it, New Year's Resolutions are for thick-skulled righteous persons. Change should happen everyday, assessing ourselves should always be a passive condition of the mind. I'm a think-skulled ninny, but I always made it a point to self-introspect after doing something.Wow! Am I making myself look like a goody two-shoe prick? Enough with self-introspection and let's go to the main course, what to expect this year. The main rule is don't expect for anything to happen at your will. Everything is materialized with energy and matter, move and produce that's what we should do to prosper, and now I'm starting to act like the Dalai Lama. Ok enough of my crap.

Drowned

Days and hours of thinking, yet it leaves me facing a blank wall. So many things rushing into my mind, so many thoughts battering my puny head. I lay my head heavy in a pillow of thorns, I clamour the silence that sits within my dreams. Dementia calling my weak soul, the keeper anxious to keep my silence bound. My body lies in marsh waters, darkened by the night and polluted with countless thoughts. For weeks I stayed silent and my spirit drowned into oblivion.

My Monotonous Cycle

A year ender and a vicious cycle, I always end up being a bait for crooks every December. It's the like here today gone tomorrow, the cellphone had its use but kept a lot of sad memories. There goes my sacrificial item, something to fend away any bad luck that could've happened to me this year. A good but solitary year passed without too much turmoil, tears had to flow but every drop had to be shed.
I need to leave those memories behind now and get me a new set this year. May it be good or bad I did learned a thing or two then, something worth keeping and remembering. I guess I'll be expecting another solitary year again.
Patching-up things would be the first thing I have to do, that would atleast release me from the monotony of it all.

Chaos And Pity

Days passed by and no message of any sorts. A simple argument that has turned into a misunderstanding. Words are words, enough said.
Confining myself seemed a good idea, but how come it became a lot more complicated. Curse whatever it is that clouds my mind, curse the promise that I had to give. All I want is to cause no trouble, is it too much to ask for? A part of me seeks my missing piece, coming back will complete me but will cause my spirit to crumble.
Regret never came when I stepped forth and showed my intent, it never came when I stepped back to accept defeat, the word came in when I left and said goodbye. I pity myself for the cowardly act, the voices told me that it was the right thing to do and I followed. Now I'm back to reality and everything is gone, it's time to go on with life like the lines of a lonely song.

On The Street Called Solitude, Under The Tree Of Hope

Life is never complete without love. Platonic love, something that makes your day, makes their day and ruins mine. Ruin does sound too harsh hmmm... let me think. Okay this sounds better, it is something that makes your day, makes their day and reminds me that life is not a fairy tale and princesses can turn into hags. I know you won't agree, but you have to be in my shoe to know what it's like. Acceptance, a word that I learned from Patty. He made a lot of sense when he explained it to me. Accept the fact that there is only YES and NO. NO means you were'nt chosen and he/she prefers another person, that's it. Reasons will only clutter your mind with self-pity, yeah I know I'm guilty. Going this far is a milestone for me, I usually quit on them because of some weird cause. I know it's not my time yet, immaturity must be one of the reasons and here comes the long list of imperfections.
I got lost along the way that's why I got here on the street called solitude, under the tree of hope. Standing here waiting for someone to pass by so that I can ask for directions. As of now I still am hoping to meet someone who'll gladly walk with me till the end of my journey.

In A Game Called Life And A Place Called Midgard

One normal day in a place called Midgard at the City of Prontera, I was wandering along the streets when somebody called me. She was asking for some assistance, so I went back to give some. She's a merchant, a cute one too although she does'nt seem to know how to use her cart. She reminded me of my days when I was a merchant, so I gave her more than what she asked for. A couple of equips, a boost and a few advices in her path to being a Blacksmith. It turned out that she's not a novice at all, then we started to chat. Her name is 'Annie' and she caught me my attention in the right time, I was having some problems in real life. She tried to make me smile, she even offered a ride on her car although that's too farfetched, then she started telling things about herself. We went on for several hours of chatting. As it turned out, she's twice my age already and still has a kid inside her. Well it's good to know that the body grew but child inside her is still active.
'Annie' does talk like a kid, having these weird things on her mind, then suddenly going mum. We usually meet at the City of Morroc, that's where she usually hangs out. We've talked about life and the things that happen around us, but what caught me was something else. There is this something that shows whenever she talks about her family. I don't know what it is, but I feel that there is something that she needs to breathe out. A part of her is searching for help, I can only do so little for her.
Time taught me things and one of them is realizing that I am no messiah. All of us will go through these route and we have to be ready. Life is not only a journey, it's a game where we need to find something. It's a piece of us that we need to find during the journey, our task is to keep it till the journey ends. We may seem to loose the piece, but all we need to remember is to look at our pockets and smile. That piece never leaves us, we just have to open our eyes and see that it's there with us.

Moving On With Life

When words are bent and twisted, thoughts are distorted. What shadows our flailed minds are words hidden behind the meaning, not the meaning behind the words. Humans, we are humans, lest we call ourselves mammal for thinking so. We live as baits for others to follow, thus we live for a purpose. Senseless! yes we're baits, most of us are.

What does the word purpose mean? What does it stand for? What does life mean? Why not live without love? bothersome thoughts from a bothersome person. I never got out from the pitholes of dementia and this I don't deny. Call me a novice and I won't refuse it, but what is the meaning behind the word purpose? I'm but a poor initiate
since the day I stood up. Hope is a word I recognize, yet I know not what it means... I lie, I cheat and I misrepresent myself. How will I change it? All my life I lived in a mascherata. Nobody knows who the real me is, not even me... Time to look for myself and ask around. Maybe, just maybe I'll find my purpose and hopefully I meet somebody who knows what the meaning of life is...

Somewhere In The Past

Thoughts and lamentations these are the things that linger in my puny mind. The past has endowed me a fruitful view on what my journey would be. Anguished from the scars of my journey, I am a soul lost between the pages of nowhere. Do I sound upset? I guess I do, nonetheless this is how I feel. That'll pass away I don't know when but it'll come there.

My First

Ordinary? yes, I'm an ordinary man with ordinary concerns. What's in my mind? Pieces of thoughts that usually is no problem for other individuals. What are these thoughts? Let's start with the simplest math, and everything follows. If math is complex so am I, I don't know why I bother but it's my nature. I'll let it out. I'll show it to you. All you need is to read and try to understand, I'm but a man waiting to end a journey. You can come, criticize and argue with me, but one thing is for sure I'll keep on going till the road leads to a dead end.

Acceptance and Forgetting

For several days, it has been like this. Another pointless chase to infinity.The question always comes into mind, why?  I've passed the word acceptance but why can't I forget? Will seclusion do anything?