A Note of Surrender

I regret to chain you away from your happiness and am willing to leave you at peace. Things I can never give you are my failures as I am a work in progress. A pretending monkey seeing things from a different view and perspective. Soon it will be evident that what I am is not the one you wanted, let's leave it like this for now. The monster within me will soon be out and I don't want you to see it.

And Yet Another Apple

Tis a curse I carry that lands me in this spot. How many will fall that I have to pick-up and let rot? Time will need to make space and have me work my duty. I carry these apples to safety and not for me to fill my stomach that's empty.

Welcome Dragon

It's the start of the year, the perfect time to start a new post. Haven't seen anything new though, I would probably need to go out more often.

It seems to be good for me because I'm able to avoid my messianic tendency however i'm running out of things to say. Oh well my first post for the year and I have nothing to say.

A new leaf opening as the seconds flick to a next cycle,

Darkness flooded with noise and flints of chaos.

In a few hours of chaos darkness covers everything again.. and then silence.

Yet Another Apple

A fallacy crafted by actions and observations, tis not me who wills this. Or maybe I sought and gave the small gestures thus the play started in the Garden of Eden. I will grow weary and distraught perhaps, however nay should I be corrupted by such thoughts.

How many apples have I held? How many more would I pick? When will this stop?

How will I forget

It's been a while since I left my mind, and ventured through my heart. Along the way I found my peace and the one that made me forget. Yet another thorn that pierced into my sanity, another behemoth who stepped on my soul. She stayed with me though I don't know, if life will let me bleed and go.

Oh how will I forget these sorrows and woes that imprisoned me....

First Person

Why? I gave you my all and yet you left me in this horrid state. My world revolved around you but it meant nothing, not a single thing because everything has been flushed down the drain.
What I am now is empty, no worth and no direction. Sorrow already consumed my soul and pity is all that's left in my mind. Oh life, no more will I walk this hell and stay to endure the wounds that you've caused. This is too much for a mere mortal to bear, I am but a feeble being who wanted love yet I harbored grief.
There's a limit to everything and I think mine has reached its peak, I would rather end it here and sleep to never wake up again.

Here I rest soaked in the water of my tears, head lain oe'r my hearts tribulation and fears. Wish me solace or cast upon me curses, silence is all I heed as this day passes. Shush, I plead thee and let my mind stay sober so none will hinder my eternal slumber.

What's Eating You

History repeats itself, and yes it does haunt you for some odd reason. It was a mistake that I tried to recreate today, well it's an improved version. The pin that pierced my skull has turned into a jack hammer. Oh my! This is absolutely insane. I think I already lost it, the last strand cut by my own hands. This is uber rubbish!

Bent

The same thing over and over again, I keep on stabbing my head with a pin that never goes through my skull. Thick, demented, and idealistic now I'm starting to dredge the virtues planted within me. The bandwagon sign states that it's worth the try and it's something you should not miss. I think I've been trying half my life to find it but I always end up hurting myself. Every time I find it, there's always something wrong. Jinxed as my friend calls it, she told me once that I have a knack for these types. Now I'm starting to see that as a fact, it's been quite a while that I've wondered why she usually hits my sight. Going into detail may reveal who she is so let's skip that. All that I know for now is that she's a diamond in the rocks, rough and she doesn’t know how precious she is.
Everything has been set to the limits, I mean everything including my views. I'm at the brink of just letting everything go and see where the tides will take me.
Scars are the best marks for remembering a mistake and yes I have a big one that says "Aye I'm stupid". Words are words that can be forgotten, written in the wind and blown by the whim of change. I would not want to divulge anything that may sooner or later be the trigger to cut the last strand of my sanity.
This is starting to sound like a senseless gewgaw, alright I'll be going back to my little gloomy corner.
Forever lost in words, trapped in the action of a virulent reality, bent to imperfection as the angel hymns her wailing soliloquy.

Fifth Beatitude

His hand open, empty, skinny and filled with dirt. With tattered clothes and a cane on his other hand, he held on to the metal poles of despair. The soul who stands restless and searching for a cause that will extend their life for another day. Would there be anyone to take heed?

Another soul in the brink of despondency, the eyes that does not mirror her soul and her hands wounded. Can you see anything through her eyes? Behold her face, tainted by sorrow scarred by life and gasping for hope.

Solace, is it too much to lend a hand?

Positively

Tis everyday that I ask myself if I am ready to go on and live to see the end, with all hesitations, I answer positively. Then comes the question that always comes into mind, am I ready to love and learn the common ways of man? Yes, I'm ready to learn the common ways of man, but how about love?

A well laid plan for the kings and their knights, however it's a bitter snare of reality for the lonely foot soldiers. You see as a foot soldier we try to risk our necks in order to pave the way for the all gallant and chivalrous knight in shining armor, but if the girl was able to keep a four leaf clover she might end up with the king instead.
Love to me is more like a struggle that devours the courage within the bravest men, a sickness that causes temporary insanity and a state of no return. The way I defined it will tell you what views I have about it. Yes I'm lonely hopeless romantic, looking for the right person who will release me from my chain of skepticism about this thing called love.

What does it really mean? A novice never really knows what it is except when the time comes that he falls into it and comes out of the pit. What if he does'nt come out? Will that mean it's the end?
Questions, questions, and more questions it's bound with endless questions. Why? How? What if? Is there a real definition to love? It has inspired many word weavers and was explained in numerous manners but what really is the meaning of platonic love?
I am a bit perplexed, why? If I ask you "Is love pity?" what will you answer? Think about it.

Another question if I may, Is love a decision or is it an emotion? Why ask this? I don't know.

A Glimpse of Sanity

Silence, then I halt my thoughts to linger within my world. Darkness, all I can see is darkness then I realized that my eyes were closed. Sitting, waiting ,and wondering why I chose to stay blinded by the sighs that whisper in the air. Am I alone to weep everytime that I will fumble? Will hopeless chants of solitude see me through? Can life be bound to end where you began? As I wallow in my sorrow a shadow caught my sight. Then it all came to my senses, did I ever looked around me? Was I even listening?
What clouded my mind was my eyes and I was shouting from within, no wonder I was hearing whispers. Too much solitude consumed me, now reality wants to take me back.

Was this the reason why I chose to close my eyes? Dementia, now I clamour light and the hymns of cherubims.

In Between Time and Space

A gruelling 4 months just passed, there were several casualties yet all of us survived. The run down on things, I came, I saw, and I was jobless. Greener pastures were never meant to be easy, you'll stumble on a mirage that'll take your attention and before you know it everything's gone. It was a rude awakening for me because I suddenly found myself back to square one. Well, here I am now, a new work and a lot of getting used too. Hopefully this trip will last longer than the previous one.
A good thing to remember about this year, finally I changed my cordao. My first ever batizado, I was not satisfied with what I did but I got it. Next year I'll try to get a new one, a color that will make me proud somehow. A better game will spice it up I guess, I'll try to get my feet moving again as often as possible.Hmm I'm praying that I can gather enough money so that I can join the Singapore batizado next year. A new year is about to start and I still have no direction, am I dumb or what?

You're mind suspended in thin air you're soul stagnant in between time and space, yourself torn between drifts and tides.

Season? What Season?

Oh my forsaken life, another day has passed and I'm still here dying in vain. Everybody's jolly about the season, hell yeah they are. No money in their pockets and they're still smiling, there must be something cooking within those thin cracked skulls.
It's the season for giving and loving, yeah right, you won't love a pocked face bastard right? Giving? Sounds like the media is getting too deep into your skull, well not just the media it's a well cooked stew by the business devils.
I've been waiting to here about government officials extending their help to the desperately needy, well I did saw a few of them on TV but it's all about the exposure. Everytime they do something it's them wearing their game face. Sure we see them helping, handing out donations and all, but whats the scheme? Where did the money come from? We won't know unless we try to open our eyes, the way I see it they're using our tax for they're selfish deeds.
Yesterday I saw this show on TV, it was nice to know that this pretty host has a big heart for the needy. But wait there's more, why the hell is she giving alms to the scumbags who clutter the streets like frenzy? These people never wanted to improve their lives. The camera saw them sitting at the gutters waiting for something to happen, well that's what I saw I must be wrong but the hell I did'nt liked the idea. Poverty already ate our society and it's a tough battle that will not end soon, but what are we doing about it? Hundreds of families moving from their province to the metro hoping that lady luck favors them. We ought to be called Luck Hunters because for most of us it 's all about the saying "Come what may" or the word that is "Destiny".
Our children needs help, you see them walking around the metro asking for money, dying because of the worthless parents who left them. They try to work their butts out from dusk till dawn just so that they have their petty salary for lack of a better word. I'm sorry because the mere thought of these infuriates me.
These kids need our help, they need our attention and we need to know who they are, better yet we need to know who really needs our help.
I'm not in the position to say these things, but hey its just me.... Wow I'm starting to sound like a human rights activist.

What I clamour is not what I seek, yet what I seek is the one I released. Time and space does not declare what we are and how we are. Have we asked ourselves who we are or what we are? Many times we answered positively but have we considered asking did I make a difference? Did I give my soul what it needs?

What Were You?

It’s just one of those days when the sun wouldn’t shine. Everything seems awfully gloomy and demented, but how come? I never woke up on the wrong side of the bed yet it feels like it. Damn pain relievers are kicking in.

Oh my crappy life, I’m threading memory lane again. I’m just too complicated and I like complicating things.

What if you found out that you were a mass murderer in your past life would you be happy? It’s freaking cool if you think about it, but hey the ones you killed were children. Now can you see what’s haunting me?

I yield a soul lost in oblivion, the thirst for blood triggers my rage. When the blood of the innocent lavishly flows tis only then that I rest my soul.

Signs

GOD is the MAN and he'll always listen, but be careful what you wish for, it might just come true. Well in my case, it all went from bad to worst, he gave me what I wanted but ended up not wanting it. Am I going wackoo?
HE never made me feel ordinary, I always had to think it over several times.
The ratio of male to female population is 7-1, thus I came to another loony thought. Why the hell am I still single? Jeez am I a bonehead or what?
They always tell me there's a time, a place and something else. What's that something else? is it the SIGN? I had so many SIGNS a week ago yet I'm not sure if she's right for me. There's something about her that makes me sigh. I guess it's normal for others, but hey I'm not others, I'm IT. The gooey substance thats in your nose. Crappy mindset huh?
I'll wait a for a few more signs I think, hopefully, still hopefully it's going to be alright.

Tis your smile that holds me from within, enchanting as it may seem yet it crushes my spirit.

A Closure to a Scar

Everything had passed and nothing will change. You were right and I know I got too carried away.I detest the thought of making you cry and yet I did.
Let's not talk about the past anymore, we're still here as friends. Like what I told you before, I made a promise to HIM that no matter what I'll take care of my buddy bear, that I will surely do.
Sorry for being insensitive, sorry for misleading you, thank you for everything.

Till Then

I wanted to stay away and I did. What happened now? I felt that I left you on your darkest days. Well you did say that you're not a charity case, so why should I worry? Everything that happened, happened for a reason. You already became a part of my journey although I got lost, I was able to find my way. I'm starting to see that it's better this way. When our paths cross again I don't know what I'll say, maybe just maybe I'll have something in mind when that time comes. For now I guess I should start by saying sorry.

Feral Virility

Need I be envious of such endeavors, acts of rabid regression running to the mind. Corrupted with visions of perfect curves and bodily fluids pouring down like hell. The scent of flesh wanting to be caressed, to be held, and to be rubbed. Temptations taught through visions of submissive impulses, motion of the entity, and the wanton glare of their eyes.

Besetted, condemned, branded as weak and admonished this is a society that declares every mammal as copulate yet declines the being that abstains from the act. In a bandwagon society of superficial judgement the ego declares your status quo and affinity. Perfection gives power to beauty and punishment to ghastly images. Let me hold on to the thought, hate is starting to consume me.

Yellow Cab

Several occassions of endless moments-- the aroma, the color, and the smiles-- they all leave me frozen in time. A place that keeps me waiting and craving for something special. I clamour the feel of ecstasy with the mere sight of each welcoming smiles that blocked our path. Held by caring eyes and a grip of assurance that leads my way to the counter. A commanding voice that never ceases to brighten my thoughts, dictates the flavor of every piece that spices my life. We sit, wait and look into each others eyes. A glance over the shoulder from here and there, anxious and waiting for their well known piece. Spoken but not uttered and this is what I feel, your silent motion traps my thoughts and leaves me numb. We babble non-sense, yet we know not what non-sense is. Here it comes, the piece that reminds me of you. A masterpiece of different flavors that compliments each other, the wholeness of a piece that inspires my aching stomach.

These are the endless moments that this place reminds me, happy thoughts of loneliness and solitary contentment. Another message another thought, another lonely reminder of the past how will I go on.

Reasons

I don't know why I can't move on? Why I kept on thinking about you and the things I could've done to keep you. What if I did this? What if I did that? Nothing seems to matter now because you already chose him. Here I am, a portrait on the wall, a being remembered as a part of your life and nothing else.
I try to keep my distance but the thought of you crying simply kills me, I can't let anybody hurt you. Am I just giving some reason because of some false hope? Maybe things are better if I keep my distance. Tell me what to do, say something that will end this hopeless situation. Reason held me from walking away, reason kept me alive. Reason binds my foolish hopes and torments my blinded heart.