In Between Time and Space

A gruelling 4 months just passed, there were several casualties yet all of us survived. The run down on things, I came, I saw, and I was jobless. Greener pastures were never meant to be easy, you'll stumble on a mirage that'll take your attention and before you know it everything's gone. It was a rude awakening for me because I suddenly found myself back to square one. Well, here I am now, a new work and a lot of getting used too. Hopefully this trip will last longer than the previous one.
A good thing to remember about this year, finally I changed my cordao. My first ever batizado, I was not satisfied with what I did but I got it. Next year I'll try to get a new one, a color that will make me proud somehow. A better game will spice it up I guess, I'll try to get my feet moving again as often as possible.Hmm I'm praying that I can gather enough money so that I can join the Singapore batizado next year. A new year is about to start and I still have no direction, am I dumb or what?

You're mind suspended in thin air you're soul stagnant in between time and space, yourself torn between drifts and tides.

Season? What Season?

Oh my forsaken life, another day has passed and I'm still here dying in vain. Everybody's jolly about the season, hell yeah they are. No money in their pockets and they're still smiling, there must be something cooking within those thin cracked skulls.
It's the season for giving and loving, yeah right, you won't love a pocked face bastard right? Giving? Sounds like the media is getting too deep into your skull, well not just the media it's a well cooked stew by the business devils.
I've been waiting to here about government officials extending their help to the desperately needy, well I did saw a few of them on TV but it's all about the exposure. Everytime they do something it's them wearing their game face. Sure we see them helping, handing out donations and all, but whats the scheme? Where did the money come from? We won't know unless we try to open our eyes, the way I see it they're using our tax for they're selfish deeds.
Yesterday I saw this show on TV, it was nice to know that this pretty host has a big heart for the needy. But wait there's more, why the hell is she giving alms to the scumbags who clutter the streets like frenzy? These people never wanted to improve their lives. The camera saw them sitting at the gutters waiting for something to happen, well that's what I saw I must be wrong but the hell I did'nt liked the idea. Poverty already ate our society and it's a tough battle that will not end soon, but what are we doing about it? Hundreds of families moving from their province to the metro hoping that lady luck favors them. We ought to be called Luck Hunters because for most of us it 's all about the saying "Come what may" or the word that is "Destiny".
Our children needs help, you see them walking around the metro asking for money, dying because of the worthless parents who left them. They try to work their butts out from dusk till dawn just so that they have their petty salary for lack of a better word. I'm sorry because the mere thought of these infuriates me.
These kids need our help, they need our attention and we need to know who they are, better yet we need to know who really needs our help.
I'm not in the position to say these things, but hey its just me.... Wow I'm starting to sound like a human rights activist.

What I clamour is not what I seek, yet what I seek is the one I released. Time and space does not declare what we are and how we are. Have we asked ourselves who we are or what we are? Many times we answered positively but have we considered asking did I make a difference? Did I give my soul what it needs?

What Were You?

It’s just one of those days when the sun wouldn’t shine. Everything seems awfully gloomy and demented, but how come? I never woke up on the wrong side of the bed yet it feels like it. Damn pain relievers are kicking in.

Oh my crappy life, I’m threading memory lane again. I’m just too complicated and I like complicating things.

What if you found out that you were a mass murderer in your past life would you be happy? It’s freaking cool if you think about it, but hey the ones you killed were children. Now can you see what’s haunting me?

I yield a soul lost in oblivion, the thirst for blood triggers my rage. When the blood of the innocent lavishly flows tis only then that I rest my soul.

Signs

GOD is the MAN and he'll always listen, but be careful what you wish for, it might just come true. Well in my case, it all went from bad to worst, he gave me what I wanted but ended up not wanting it. Am I going wackoo?
HE never made me feel ordinary, I always had to think it over several times.
The ratio of male to female population is 7-1, thus I came to another loony thought. Why the hell am I still single? Jeez am I a bonehead or what?
They always tell me there's a time, a place and something else. What's that something else? is it the SIGN? I had so many SIGNS a week ago yet I'm not sure if she's right for me. There's something about her that makes me sigh. I guess it's normal for others, but hey I'm not others, I'm IT. The gooey substance thats in your nose. Crappy mindset huh?
I'll wait a for a few more signs I think, hopefully, still hopefully it's going to be alright.

Tis your smile that holds me from within, enchanting as it may seem yet it crushes my spirit.

A Closure to a Scar

Everything had passed and nothing will change. You were right and I know I got too carried away.I detest the thought of making you cry and yet I did.
Let's not talk about the past anymore, we're still here as friends. Like what I told you before, I made a promise to HIM that no matter what I'll take care of my buddy bear, that I will surely do.
Sorry for being insensitive, sorry for misleading you, thank you for everything.

Till Then

I wanted to stay away and I did. What happened now? I felt that I left you on your darkest days. Well you did say that you're not a charity case, so why should I worry? Everything that happened, happened for a reason. You already became a part of my journey although I got lost, I was able to find my way. I'm starting to see that it's better this way. When our paths cross again I don't know what I'll say, maybe just maybe I'll have something in mind when that time comes. For now I guess I should start by saying sorry.

Feral Virility

Need I be envious of such endeavors, acts of rabid regression running to the mind. Corrupted with visions of perfect curves and bodily fluids pouring down like hell. The scent of flesh wanting to be caressed, to be held, and to be rubbed. Temptations taught through visions of submissive impulses, motion of the entity, and the wanton glare of their eyes.

Besetted, condemned, branded as weak and admonished this is a society that declares every mammal as copulate yet declines the being that abstains from the act. In a bandwagon society of superficial judgement the ego declares your status quo and affinity. Perfection gives power to beauty and punishment to ghastly images. Let me hold on to the thought, hate is starting to consume me.

Yellow Cab

Several occassions of endless moments-- the aroma, the color, and the smiles-- they all leave me frozen in time. A place that keeps me waiting and craving for something special. I clamour the feel of ecstasy with the mere sight of each welcoming smiles that blocked our path. Held by caring eyes and a grip of assurance that leads my way to the counter. A commanding voice that never ceases to brighten my thoughts, dictates the flavor of every piece that spices my life. We sit, wait and look into each others eyes. A glance over the shoulder from here and there, anxious and waiting for their well known piece. Spoken but not uttered and this is what I feel, your silent motion traps my thoughts and leaves me numb. We babble non-sense, yet we know not what non-sense is. Here it comes, the piece that reminds me of you. A masterpiece of different flavors that compliments each other, the wholeness of a piece that inspires my aching stomach.

These are the endless moments that this place reminds me, happy thoughts of loneliness and solitary contentment. Another message another thought, another lonely reminder of the past how will I go on.

Reasons

I don't know why I can't move on? Why I kept on thinking about you and the things I could've done to keep you. What if I did this? What if I did that? Nothing seems to matter now because you already chose him. Here I am, a portrait on the wall, a being remembered as a part of your life and nothing else.
I try to keep my distance but the thought of you crying simply kills me, I can't let anybody hurt you. Am I just giving some reason because of some false hope? Maybe things are better if I keep my distance. Tell me what to do, say something that will end this hopeless situation. Reason held me from walking away, reason kept me alive. Reason binds my foolish hopes and torments my blinded heart.

The Recurring Nightmare

Fear, anxiety and hopelessness these are the things that I have to battle. Again I'm trapped in a crossroad of emotions and decisions.

Vacuum

Lost, I am lost within this space and time. Thoughts kept on running from all directions. The plans I laid went to the trash bin, everything went wrong and I was unable to carry on. Too much space consumes my mind, too much freedom devours my soul. Exhausted, famished and dying within the vacuum that I created on my own.

The Show Mungkee

My first event for the year "LEAP" an event they do at La Salle every year. It's some sort of alternative enhancement program for the beautiful students of the said school. Everything went fine, except for the grins they had when they found out what my capoeira nickname meant. Batatinha, hahaha its an honor being called the junior of our professor. Then they saw who Batata was, and everybody said what the hell. Hahahaha that guy caught the crowds attention after he did all his tricks in mid air.
I'm back and it does'nt feel the same. I'm not getting the same high that I got before, when I was doing capoeira then. Everybody seems so new and I'm the new old guy, man that's hard to gulp down.
The love for the art has gone so mental, that I do mental training mostly rather than physically practicing it.
It does'nt feel the same and I guess it would never be the same, never again. Time to move on, and practice the art in my mind. I think I need to rest my endeavors for the meanwhile.

On My Own

Aight the long wait is over, I'm moving out of our house. My mom seems to think about it too much, my dad's cool with it and I'm not that excited. I'm used to sleeping in other houses but not living in another house. This will take a lot of getting used too. How the hell will I go through this?
Hmmm I'm starting to feel icky and everything, talks about going to greener pastures and everything has been moving around. Damn, I have to keep reminding myself that I still don't have my diploma with me. How I wish that I can just pay someone to do that for me, walking and processing all those papers. Talking to those nutcrackers in the registrars office can get awefully irritating, I'd hate to lose my cool.
Studying again, it keeps on hitting the back of my mind although I don't know what to take. Lets just see what tomorrow brings.

The Dance of War, Inside the Circle of Life

It has been a year and a half now, I already forgot how it feels to move freely within the circle.
Just a brief flashback, someone sent me a message telling me to go back and train again for some good purpose.well, I missed the art that we tried nurturing for several years, it's worth training again and the purpose is good enough to send me back to the ground. Here I go again.

The first session for the year was quiet okay and painful too. I missed that ache that ran from my neck down when I was training before. Those were the days when I was able to train from an hour or so rigorously. Applying Bengay as your perfume is not that bad after all hahahahahaha...
There were a few cuties at the hottest gym in town, hmm I wonder why. Enough with that crap, I went there to train and I was not hunting swans to start it with. After a gruelling first hour I felt the need to tie myself up. I kept going and going until i felt my leg hardened, damn cramps. Oh shit I fucking hurts arghh...and this means I have to stop and rest. All in a days work and I'm ready to head for my real work, my crappy leg still hurts.

I stood breathe and moved my arms. The flow led my feet to go from side to side. As the music plays my body follows, the rhythm sends a kick and each beat dictates my movement. Hold each thought and movements taught. I must now enter the circle, ai meu Deus give me the your blessing. I reach out my hand and smiled at my friend as we entered the circle we exchanged looks. Who releases the first blow? Who accepts the first hit? Only one thing is for sure inside the roda I'am free...

New Year, Old Me...

Everybody seems optimistic about this year, well all that I'm seeing are problems welcoming the year. Getting some review on economics does make you more pessimistic than you usually would be. Don't read the newspapers, avoid watching the TV and drop those lifestyle magazines. Looking at these things would make you think that it's all ok, but wait try looking at your pocket.
Well here we go again, another list of self proclaimed promises. Have you made your list of resolutions? The way I see it, New Year's Resolutions are for thick-skulled righteous persons. Change should happen everyday, assessing ourselves should always be a passive condition of the mind. I'm a think-skulled ninny, but I always made it a point to self-introspect after doing something.Wow! Am I making myself look like a goody two-shoe prick? Enough with self-introspection and let's go to the main course, what to expect this year. The main rule is don't expect for anything to happen at your will. Everything is materialized with energy and matter, move and produce that's what we should do to prosper, and now I'm starting to act like the Dalai Lama. Ok enough of my crap.